33 Things
Image credit: Birthday by Becris from the Noun Project
Birthdays tend to kick up dirt, don’t they? At least they do for me. I end up tripping over anxieties I thought I had successfully buried in the previous 364 days of the year, but that one day has the power to undo all my hard work.
This year was no different. I wanted to enjoy a low-key day but I was left huffing and puffing over whether some people would forget my birthday again this year, or what I might say if I receive more presents that seem like they were meant for someone else. And I sat uncomfortably around the day, knowing how much it meant to me and how much it had always disappointed as I curved to the whims of how other people wanted me to celebrate.
Some of this is my own doing, my own worries, but many of them have a basis in reality. At one point I sat grumpy, my heart heavy at a dinner that was meant for me but reeked suspiciously of more of a treat for the organiser themselves, so far removed from something I would ever choose for myself or a close friend. The truth of what this all meant for our friendship, tore through my mind at the time, forcing me to use all my energy to bite my tongue about it.
32 was a life milestone. It was progress and also massive regression. Big wins and staggering losses of the self. 33 can’t be like this. I won’t allow it. My looking back will only consist of reviewing the good things and trying to link them to better things ahead. So here I go, my list of 33 things, hopes for the future; maybe not immediately, not even in another year, but eventually, in sight and reachable. They’re not astounding, but they will bring about change.
Hold my book in my hands
Take regular care of my mental health
Form closer friendships
See an Australian coast again
Reconnect with freedom
Dance with abandon
Fall in love
Live honestly
Travel
Write more
Laugh with my whole face
Source more hugs
Dream bigger
Try newer things
Be confident in my life decisions
Be brave
Carve out my own space
Hold on to people who hold onto me
Tell the truth
Learn to swim again
Do another trek
Run more
Lead more
Read more
Talk less, do more
Say no confidently
Say yes with excitement
Tell people how you really feel, in all aspects of life
Keep listening to yourself
Mend your broken heart
Write the next thing
Enjoy the good moments
Grow.
That's it. Wish me luck.
