Dissatisfaction is a difficult thing not to think about. It’s like an itch that’s in an awkward place that you can’t really get to alone, so you try to ignore it; convince yourself it’s not there. But the more you try to do that, the worse the itch becomes until it’s pretty much all you can think about, and now somehow, you’re itchy all over. People have always told me I’m an overthinker and I can’t think why…
I am a prolific procrastinator. That’s what I have discovered about myself this week. I mean I get stuff done, but like, really, really late. However I suspect it’s something more than just “I’ve decided to be unproductive this April”. So some navel gazing is probably required.
Yesterday morning was my 30th birthday and I was waking up in New York City. Even now as I am writing this, the lights of Times Square vibrate through the hotel room window to my right, and I wonder how did I get here? I mean, I know by what mode of transportation (plane obviously), but why at this point in my life, at this moment? Who can say. I wished for it, I got a lot of help to make it happen, and yet as I sit here with the city all around me, I find myself pondering over a lot of things.
I always thought of myself as someone who doesn’t deal well with rejection, but I think I’ve been selling myself short. Having this year given into my writing urges, sentencing myself to a potential life of struggle for my art, I’ve become pretty adept at dealing quickly with rejection and disappointment.
This weekend I had the best holiday I’ve had in years. I wasn’t white water rafting, bathing on a beach or climbing Kilimanjaro (because really why would I do that?). I was however holed up in a little village in Devon called Sheepwash; enjoying a writers retreat that spawned my most creative episode yet.
In this time of instant gratification and Instagram, getting your work seen or heard as a creative can be instantaneous. Whether you’re a visual artist, a musician, or even a writer; there are about ten times more opportunities to get your art out there compared to what was available 20, 10, or even 5 years ago.
I love a bit of romance from time to time. Although, I haven’t read anything strictly under the genre of Romance in a while; not since I was an adolescent indulging in the likes of the Mills and Boon franchise, and even a teen book series not dissimilar to the Sweet Valley High books. As I said, I love a bit of romance but it isn’t usually accompanied by good taste.
I have been lax this week. I didn’t update this blog as I’ve become accustomed to doing on Fridays, and this is not a good sign. Although, a year ago this would have been true to form as I know myself to be extremely inconsistent in most things; until relatively recently.