It was a ridiculous journey that I took. I was filled with optimism, hope and sadness as I boarded the plane back home, back to London after 359 days of living in Melbourne.
Today I took a different route to work. There’s nothing special about that except that I got to see how London is still vines of roads and pockets of alleyways. People still rush and zoom and frown and avoid eye contact here. People do that in lots of other places too, to be fair. But you know, London has its own special way of doing things.
Can things that were once bad for you, ever really become good?
This is one the things I’ve had to consider since coming back, recalling how I always struggled to feel like a part of the family when I was growing up. Most of my time was spent plotting how to eventually get away for good; a motivator that propelled me to succeed in certain areas, in order to reach my ultimate goal of living far, far away from the life I knew.
One of the best and worst things about moving away from a place you’ve lived for most of your life, is perspective. You get to see the bigger picture; how you fit in here and what you did there and with whom etc. And you get a birds eye view of all the relationships you held dear in that place that you considered home.
Being back is weird. Not least because I went from balmy warmth to freezing cold weather in a matter of days upon first arriving in the UK from Melbourne. But the weirdness is a ham-fisted way of describing how it feels to be back and not really ‘back’. In one way yes, I’m from here, I grew up in this country, in London; but the idea of a ‘home’ or a ‘base’ has always eluded me. Plus I’ve moved house more times than I can count.
OK, I realise that starting a blog post with the word “oof” sets a very specific and perhaps disappointing tone, but alas, it is an almost perfect description of how I’m feeling as I write this post. It’s not that I don’t want to write this, it’s just that I don’t really want to write it. I know that makes no sense, so let’s go back a few weeks to explain.