I haven’t been updating my blog. I feel like it gets to this time of year, and this automatically happens, because I get the holiday blues. I’ve been on this Earth for 32 years and I still haven’t completely figured out why – the reasons seem to change with the years, even if one thing remains constant, which is the disconnectedness of my family. But this isn’t really about that.Continue reading “So, here’s the real, real”
Two years ago around this time, I wrote about my desire to keep moving, and the beginning of my detachment from the London I had once considered home…
“Home is where the heart is.”
I have always struggled with this phrase. It sounds simple enough but actually, I’m not sure it means anything more than “Home is where you like to sleep”, or “Home is where the person you like, likes to sleep”; but that sounds a bit like the mantra of a stalker, so maybe it’s not quite as simple as that.
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Today I took a different route to work. There’s nothing special about that except that I got to see how London is still vines of roads and pockets of alleyways. People still rush and zoom and frown and avoid eye contact here. People do that in lots of other places too, to be fair. But you know, London has its own special way of doing things.
Can things that were once bad for you, ever really become good?
This is one the things I’ve had to consider since coming back, recalling how I always struggled to feel like a part of the family when I was growing up. Most of my time was spent plotting how to eventually get away for good; a motivator that propelled me to succeed in certain areas, in order to reach my ultimate goal of living far, far away from the life I knew.
Being back is weird. Not least because I went from balmy warmth to freezing cold weather in a matter of days upon first arriving in the UK from Melbourne. But the weirdness is a ham-fisted way of describing how it feels to be back and not really ‘back’. In one way yes, I’m from here, I grew up in this country, in London; but the idea of a ‘home’ or a ‘base’ has always eluded me. Plus I’ve moved house more times than I can count.
I have been lax this week. I didn’t update this blog as I’ve become accustomed to doing on Fridays, and this is not a good sign. Although, a year ago this would have been true to form as I know myself to be extremely inconsistent in most things; until relatively recently.
Change is hard, what a surprise. You know what isn’t hard? Staying exactly the same and doing what you have always done. Even when you hate it. Some might refer to it as a ‘better the devil you know’ mentality. And I have known some Devils in my lifetime. Yesireebob. One particular devil that I always hated was routine. At least, that’s what I would tell anyone that would listen, from my teens into early adulthood. I hated the regularity of things, the sensible mechanism of doing the same thing over and over again, getting life insurance, thinking about mortgages and investments for the future etc. etc.