I have returned.
I feel like that’s just my catch phrase at this point. I always feel like I am returning somewhere, from somewhere else. I returned to London. I returned to Chicago. I returned to France. I even returned to Italy. And now I have returned to Melbourne, all shiny and new.
I mean, I don’t feel shiny and new exactly, I feel tired and jet-lagged and a little unsettled, but shiny and new sounds better, doesn’t it? At least in my head anyway.
At the moment I am grappling with questions I didn’t think I would be asking, like what exactly am I doing here? What do I want from this place? What do I want from the future, and how will being here help me get to it?
So much has changed for me in the last 18 months, since going back to London and staying with family. I have a book deal. I launched a ground-breaking project. I made a whole host of new, lifelong friends. And I faced some pretty serious writers block in the process, which I am still trying to work through.
So I returned to Melbourne, finally, through visa struggles and reverse culture shock and friends moving to different states. Somehow I made it back here, in a more permanent capacity that doesn’t actually feel permanent. But many things feel more possible too.
And I want to document this time, I feel like I have to. I’m in a unique position, about to be a debut in my home country, a Londoner trying to make a home in a new city, half of her heart still living across the pond (ocean). But instead of continuing my Melbourne Diaries blog, I thought it best to start a new one, because inevitably my experiences as a black woman will intersect with everything else I face as a newly emigrated person.
Sometimes race shows up, sometimes it doesn’t. Let’s see what happens.