33 Things

Birthdays tend to kick up dirt, don’t they? At least they do for me. I end up tripping over anxieties I thought I had successfully buried in the previous 364 days of the year, but that one day has the power to undo all my hard work.

This year was no different. I wanted to enjoy a low-key day but I was left huffing and puffing over whether some people would forget my birthday again this year, or what I might say if I receive more presents that seem like they were meant for someone else. And I sat uncomfortably around the day, knowing how much it meant to me and how much it had always disappointed as I curved to the whims of how other people wanted me to celebrate.

Some of this is my own doing, my own worries, but many of them have a basis in reality. At one point I sat grumpy, my heart heavy at a dinner that was meant for me but reeked suspiciously of more of a treat for the organiser themselves, so far removed from something I would ever choose for myself or a close friend. The truth of what this all meant for our friendship, tore through my mind at the time, forcing me to use all my energy to bite my tongue about it.

32 was a life milestone. It was progress and also massive regression. Big wins and staggering losses of the self. 33 can’t be like this. I won’t allow it. My looking back will only consist of reviewing the good things and trying to link them to better things ahead. So here I go, my list of 33 things, hopes for the future; maybe not immediately, not even in another year, but eventually, in sight and reachable. They’re not astounding, but they will bring about change.

  1. Hold my book in my hands
  2. Take regular care of my mental health
  3. Form closer friendships
  4. See an Australian coast again
  5. Reconnect with freedom
  6. Dance with abandon
  7. Fall in love
  8. Live honestly
  9. Travel
  10. Write more
  11. Laugh with my whole face
  12. Source more hugs
  13. Dream bigger
  14. Try newer things
  15. Be confident in my life decisions
  16. Be brave
  17. Carve out my own space
  18. Hold on to people who hold onto me
  19. Tell the truth
  20. Learn to swim again
  21. Do another trek
  22. Run more
  23. Lead more
  24. Read more
  25. Talk less, do more
  26. Say no confidently
  27. Say yes with excitement
  28. Tell people how you really feel, in all aspects of life
  29. Keep listening to yourself
  30. Mend your broken heart
  31. Write the next thing
  32. Enjoy the good moments
  33. Grow.

That’s it. Wish me luck.

Published by

Maame Blue

Writer| Poet| Blogger| Ghanaian by heart, Londoner by nature

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