I have been avoiding updating my blog for a while. Every time I went to write something, it was either negative or sarcastic; my usual reaction when processing how to say goodbye.
My last few months in Melbourne haven’t been the easiest. I went from looking for a few months of work after my last contract ended, and getting all my visa ducks in a row, hoping the Australian government would think me worthy enough to grant a stay; to realising I wasn’t going to find work due to bad timing in the year, and that soon I would be moving back to London, and that wasn’t actually a bad thing. And that I may have to wait a year or two before I get the visa I want.
So I’ve basically been living in between two places for a few months now, which I suppose for me is nothing new. That being said, I am going home. And it’s a good thing. Not being in full time work and picking up bits and pieces of work here and there, has given me the time to process leaving, to settle into my feelings about it, and to make plans for my next steps. To be honest, I’ve been ready to go for a few weeks now. I’m basically twiddling my thumbs at this point.
And I’m learning for the millionth time, that being the one that’s leaving is for me, slightly easier than being the one that is left. I’ve formed some good friendships here, one’s I hope will stand the test of time and time difference, and for the ones that don’t, I’ll have short and sweet memories of them.
I am not always particularly forthcoming with my emotions, and being good at goodbyes is not something I am known for (at all). So saying all that, I’ll probably bumble along the next few weeks, seeing people where I can and when my tight purse strings will allow (being unemployed is no joke guys), and I probably won’t engage in tearful goodbyes or ten minute hugs like other (consistently healthy emotional) people will. But if you know me, then you’ll know that I mean my words when I say them and the value I place on the friendships in my life is extremely significant to who I am as a person.
I have about four weeks left in Melbourne (one week will be spent in Tokyo with my sister, whoop!) and I have every intention to return in the future, if the laws of the land will allow. So until that time comes, I’ll say the same thing I do when I leave any place that I have loved and lived and grown in: This isn’t goodbye, it’s just see you later.
It’s not Shakespeare but it’s the sentiment I’m going for.
Image credit: Suitcase by Symbolon from the Noun Project