What do you think?

So the point of May’s blog posts was to tackle overthinking, but I think all it did was pinpoint the times I was overthinking the most, which is the same thing right? Regardless, I explored my habit of overthinking and I’m unsure that I learnt anything new.

​I am a thinker. It is how I’ve always been and probably how I always will be. It’s where my stories come from, why I try to outthink relationships to the point of destruction, and often why I can’t sleep. It’s a problem in the same way that menstruation can be; irritating, regular and unchangeable. However, it would be remiss of me not to note that recently it’s gotten a bit out of hand. I’m not saying I’m an insomniac now (although I’m teetering on the edge), but I am having increasing trouble switching my brain off.

My overthinking highlights my own shortcomings to myself, and freezes me unhelpfully in inactivity. An example would be seeing an attractive man on the tube, being brave enough to make a millisecond of eye contact, and then spending the rest of the journey wondering whether I should look up again, whether he really is interested, and questioning what I know about flirting (nothing), until I realise that he got off five stops ago.

It’s a problem, although I can’t blame my complete lack of “dating game” on my penchant for thinking; low self-esteem probably plays a large role. But let’s address the overthinking issue first; I don’t have enough time for the other thing right now.

Based on my observations and generally wild assumptions, I think creative people tend to think a lot anyway; our minds are always buzzing to make something new, see something differently, and essentially just create. But that doesn’t help you if you need to sleep. Often my mind is trying to work through things at night, but instead of doing it quietly whilst singing me a gentle lullaby, it wants me to take an active part and so keeps me awake with all the things that cause me the most stress. This has been happening often and a lot lately.

So a solution? Well maybe meditation. I tried it once when I was doing my masters degree and working at the same time, and stress central was my name. But I can’t recall if it worked….so perhaps that means it didn’t? Who can say, but there’s no reason I can’t give it another try. And whilst we’re on it, let’s make June’s theme Reducing Stress, because apparently I need motivation to do that.

In conclusion (I’m making this up as I go along obviously), I can’t stop myself from thinking, it’s just the way I was made. These are the hazards of being creative, unfortunately. Gah.

Image credit: yoga by Lee from the Noun Project

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Maame Blue

Writer| Poet| Blogger| Ghanaian by heart, Londoner by nature

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