I am a prolific procrastinator. That’s what I have discovered about myself this week. I mean I get stuff done, but like, really, really late. However I suspect it’s something more than just “I’ve decided to be unproductive this April”. So some navel gazing is probably required.
On Saturday I sat in my living room staring at my laptop and the TV alternately. I was supposed to be enjoying the place to myself whilst my flatmate was away, but I couldn’t seem to find that enjoyment factor I keep hearing so much about. Had I lost my ability to have fun? Far from it; I had just the night before had mountains of fun with a new friend, so why hadn’t that feeling spilled over into the next day? I didn’t know.
Perhaps my spirits were dampened by the fact that I am so broke right now I’m considering selling some organs just so I can go out with friends for a night. This is not a permanent state – I just moved house which as all you similarly unlucky people know, is extremely expensive, no matter how you spin it.
I was also a bit disheartened by a friend cancelling on me (yes I have no money but my travel is already paid for so why not go join a friend for a while and drink tap water?), and it took away my thing that I had looked forward to that afternoon. Instead I watched too many episodes of US dramas and comedies, and still somehow ended up going to bed late. In between these zombie-like states, I wrote and submitted something to an online mag and avoided doing the one thing I said I would do.
So Saturday was a bust and I still was no closer to finding the reason for my recent prolific procrastination. And then Sunday happened and everything changed.
That piece I wrote was accepted by an online magazine that I love. I was invigorated and headed to the gym for a killer workout. I came back and made pancakes for brunch, and then I headed to an afternoon film which I watched FOR FREE due to a membership card I received as a birthday present.
I mean, what a great fricking day, that all started with a submission acceptance email! And suddenly it dawned on me. I had needed a win, something to remind me that my constant writing and creating wasn’t going completely unnoticed. I also needed something to motivate me, to help me start to get on top of things.
Right now I am not on top of things; things are dropping out of my mind into the procrastination abyss. And I know that I can’t just wait for the next external thing to come along and motivate me; I need to make it happen myself. But right now I will try to ride out this little bit of motivation, whilst also trying to tame the wild beast known as procrastination.
NB: I don’t think I’ve ever used the word procrastination so much in one post; it’s beginning to lose all meaning.
Image credit: arm wrestling by Oleksandr Panasovskyi from the Noun Project